Why You Should Listen to Women's Feedback but Not Their Dating Advice
Over the years I've been a dating coach, I've developed an opinion that other dating coaches love to fight me on: you should listen to feedback from women, but don't take their advice.
If you're going to catch a fish, you don't ask the fish how to catch it.
Girls will be correct about their subjective opinions (since it's impossible to be wrong about them), but they'll be wrong about how you should attract them. Use their feedback about your shortcomings, but get dating advice somewhere else.
A Lesson from My 20s:
I learned this lesson the hard way when I was in my early 20s living in San Diego. I had a first date with a tall blonde girl I met during day game. After a fun evening filled with great conversation and too many vodka sodas, she came back to my place. We made out and cuddled, then went to sleep.
I woke up groggy early the next morning, thinking in my half-asleep state,
"Hey, something seems weird... Oh yeah. There was a girl in my bed last night. Where did she go?"
Over the next couple weeks, we kept texting but she changed the subject every time I tried to set up the next date. Dealing with flakiness sucks, but it's often a sign that she isn't 100% sold on you yet, not just that she's a flaky person in general.
A Bad Piece of Advice
My female coworkers at my finance job would always talk about their dating lives by the water cooler, picking apart every detail about the guys they met. So I thought it would be a good idea to consult my coworker, a 45-year-old mother of three.
Her explanation: "I think she's just a little gun-shy to meet you again. Send her this text:"
"Hey, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, so let's meet somewhere where you feel safe :)"
I hit send. And immediately after hitting send, I felt that soul-crushing feeling you get when you realize your text sucks. You know the feeling— the drop in your stomach followed by thoughts of "Why did I send that?!? I'm the world's biggest loser."
A Failed Recovery Attempt
I asked my buddy who was great with women if there was a hail Mary I could send to recover. After clowning me for taking such bad advice, he explained that my only chance was to follow it up with something absurd.
There’s a swingers' club in San Francisco called Power Exchange. My buddy had me follow up my embarrassing text with this:
"I was thinking somewhere like this place: Power Exchange"
She responds right away, "Hahaha, that was hilarious." But it was too little too late. I never saw her again.
Key Takeaways
Cautiously Listen to Women's Feedback, but Never Follow Their Advice
One of my writing mentors taught me how to incorporate feedback from my friends when they review my drafts. He suggested that I listen to feedback on which parts of my writing suck, but don't take my friends' advice on how to fix it.
This idea also applies to feedback from women. If multiple women point out a flaw, take that as an area to work on. Just keep in mind that just because they can identify a problem doesn't mean they have good advice on how you should solve it.
Example:
Valid feedback from a girl: "You are too feminine." Bad advice from a girl: "You are too feminine, so you should get a tribal tattoo."
Why Taking Women's Advice is Dangerous
The way they THINK they'll react is different from how they actually react
A lot of their advice is garbage
Women are subjective (and men are too)
Brutal honesty isn't socially acceptable
Whose Advice Should You Listen to Instead?
Mine, of course ;) But seriously, you should take the advice of a guy who's been in your shoes and is now dating the type of women you want to date.
The Takeaway
Female friends are experts at being women, not at attracting women. Keep these three ideas in mind:
Their feedback on you is usually solid.
Their feedback on what they have or haven't liked about others is usually solid.
Their advice on how to proceed is usually pretty bad.
