Guest post by Cory, Leverage Program member
I went to Brazil on the Inner Confidence Leverage trip and it changed my life.
First, because this is Inner Confidence, I’ll talk about the woman of Brazil and my experiences with them. Simply put, I fell in love three times this trip. I met more cooler girls in two weeks in Brazil than during the last year and a half in the states. There are three girls that I am actually upset that I am leaving, and cannot continue the connection that we were able to create. One actually spent most of the day trying to get me to change my flight and stay. All of them were incredibly beautiful, super fun, sweet and kind.
Brazilian woman are feminine and WANT you to be masculine. This, I know, is a difficult thing to explain until you are able to see it live and in the flesh. In short, there isn’t a power struggle here. Woman in the states are so worried about losing power that you have to play games to get them to really admit anything. There is a dynamic that they both want to be the masculine and feminine of the relationship, but still rely on you for their emotional satisfaction. It’s so fucked.
Robbie explained this dynamic to me a ton with his travels to Eastern Europe, but it’s really not something you understand until you live it and see it in the flesh. Everything seems more natural. It’s a more direct dance of seduction. No games. If they like you they will stay; if they don’t they will leave. Even with a tough language barrier, if you provide a masculine energy, they will subdue to it because they want to be feminine.
With the three girls I connected with on this trip, there was one pickup line: “Do you speak english?” Either I got love or I didn’t. If they did, the dance was a lot more direct. Less push/pull, and more just enjoying each others company. It really was nothing special: all I would do was project that I was supposed to be there, she should be talking to me, give a lot of eye contact and smirking, and just plain being out having fun. This would work. It was really that simple.
To project that the feeling that I belong there seemed to be the most important. Brazilian men are very aggressive so if you are timid in a group, the girls would sense it right away and you’d be blown out. If you project your presence as a fun guy that they should be talking to, it actually wasn’t difficult.
That said, it’s not like these girls won’t test you. They definitely will, maybe even more so than in the states, but it’s a lot less of a gamey kind of test. They really just want to make sure you are a man so they can be a woman for you.
The second takeaway for me centers on the idea of people you surround yourself with. I knew this was incredibly important going in. I mean shit, it was the main reason I joined the group in the first place. Positive energy around you is so contagious. And the positivity in our house was infectious. I LOVED all the guys I met and I am really upset to not have them around all the time.
When you constantly surround yourself with people that just want to be better, it just makes you want to do that so much more. This house was full of that.
James, in short, is the man. He is exactly the kind of guy you want to surround yourself with. He will constantly push you to do better and inspire you to test your boundaries. At the same time, very open to feedback, very even keel, and super easy to be around. I like to think of myself as a good judge of character, and the second I walked into the house and spent 10 min with him, I said to Robbie “I think James is going to be my new best friend.” I hope we really do get into some business, traveling, and “pretty much anything” adventures soon. I am excited for that.
Joey is so much more awesome than he gives himself credit for (I think he really started to believe this at the end of the trip). He is super chill and when I go to LA he best believe I want to go out with him. Even though he doesn’t consider himself as good with girls, his attitude and his openness to feedback makes it so it doesn’t matter. He will never slow you down and will only add to a good crew. He came away from the trip an absolute approach beast (I hope that continues in LA Joey) and really added value to the group. He got my second girl over to the table. So for that thank you homie. I recommend any of you guys in the LA area to make it a point to go out with him. He will help you tenfold. Any other help you need big guy just let me know.
Sherban is the chillest dude on the planet. Absolutely one of the chiller, cooler dudes you will meet. Great vibe, great energy, positive attitude it was good to be around. I know this wasn’t the place to talk shop but since we do the same thing we should sometime.
Luis and Robbie, I mean what more can you say? Straight beasts. Loved hanging out with you guys. They really brought the party and was always open to give feedback to anyone they thought needed it. Not in a dick way but a cool ass way that would really help. I can’t wait to hang with you guys soon.
Last (the group doesn’t know him) is James’s friend Armondo. The dude is a beast too. The absolute man. Inspired me in all sorts of ways and I hope with him, I created another close friend. It’s amazing to walk away from a trip only previously knowing Robbie, and walking away feeling like you legitimately made six new best friends. Your social circle is super important and having guys around that make you better is awesome. I am going back more motivated and inspired than ever, and I have all these guys to thank for that.
Last topic I took away from would be lifestyle. I walk away realizing I have been too complacent. I have been trying to get together the lifestyle of remote work and bouncing coasts that’s encouraged in Leverage. I have started to get this done by having a place in Boston and San Diego. I realized I am being WAY too narrow minded about this. It’s a huge world out there so how can you say American culture is the best for you when you haven’t experienced any others? I am not just talking visiting, I am talking really immersing yourself in a culture and deeply learning how you feel about it. James and Armondo really inspired this for me: learning the culture, the women, and the way of life.
Why am I so settled on the US as my base? I am young and need to put myself in situations to test boundaries and see if there is a better place for me out there. Just being here for two weeks I realized that I will most likely not end up with an American girl. I’ve always loved the Latina women, but real talk, I was more excited with the three girls I connected with in Brazil in TWO weeks than anyone in the last 18 months in the states.
18 MONTHS!! It is crazy. It’s not like I’m not meeting girls in the states either. So then I have to ask you. What type of girls do you like? What type of weather do you like? What type of activities do you like? Answer those questions and then ask yourself “WHY AREN’T YOU FUCKING THERE??”. I love Latina girls, warm weather, the beach, ocean and nightlife. So fucking duh Cory…why aren’t you doing something to put yourself in a situation where you have all these at excess? AKA why aren’t you in South America? Seems so obvious, but I think people can get so complacent in one area of their lives they forget the basic fact of “Where is the best place for my happiness?”
It’s the optimal game theory that the group always talks about. If you don’t want college girls, why are you going to a college bar? Why am I in Boston for 6 months out of the year when I don’t like Boston girls or Boston weather? I really don’t know. So I think you really have to answer these questions honestly and then say “Okay, so what do I have to do to get there and get what I want?” For me I have those. 1. Language barrier…easy, classes and immersion…boom, done. Next would be sure up a solid remote working situation. I love my job but if you look at it when you’re answering those questions, it shouldn’t get in the way of my happiness.
It’s so much easier to not live a life of scarcity when you live in excess of the things you love, so put yourself in excess. Don’t be scared to experience new things. Part of being human is the guarantee that what you want and like will change. So test your preferences, and find what moves you right now. Worst case, you become a more cultured and interesting guy. There isn’t a way that doesn’t help you in life. I will do my best in the very near future to start immersing myself in new cultures and try out new things and put myself in excess instead of looking for things that literally just don’t exist as much where I am.
So ask yourself: What do you like? What do you want? Where are those things? Then what the fuck are you doing to get there?