When I say investing in a chick, I mean giving her attention, touching her, buying her things, showing love and/or anything that signifies that you care.
The one thing that every dude does who sucks with girls is invest way too much before she starts investing in you. Somewhere along the line, we got the stupid idea stuck in our nice guy heads that if you do nice things for people, they will do nice things back. This may be true for some social interactions, like being nice to your waiter at a restaurant will usually yield better service but it’s the opposite for attractive women because they get their butt kissed 24/7 by every “nice guy” they come across.
We say all the time that in order to be successful with women, you basically have to do the exact opposite of what the average guy is doing. The average guy kisses up to her because he believes she will reciprocate. She won’t.
While I was developing my game I noticed a pattern of failures.
Step 1: Investing way to much on the approach. When guys start off they have so much anxiety that they screw up every approach because they are nervous. Doesn’t matter the line, the nervousness comes from the fear of rejection. You’ve gotta do a TON of approaches to convince your silly brain that rejection isn’t a big deal and then you’ll stop giving a shit and you’ll get way more love on your approaches.
Step 2: Getting a little love. When I began to consistently get love I would screw up interactions by showing too much love (investing) too early. I would approach, get love and then invest hard. My thinking was “ooooh she likes me, I better do everything to make her happy and get her to like more.” The makes you look pathetic.
Step 3: Not calibrating your touching. This one is tricky because it requires a high level of awareness. You’ve gotta be able to maintain a conversation and be aware of how much love she is giving you physically, how she is positioning her body, how/when she is touching you, whether or not she is squaring her hip off to you. Most guys will either never touch or touch way too much. Touching too much will lead to hooking up while never touching will almost never, so err on the side of too much. You can also call this sort of touching game push/pull or two steps forward one step back.
On our last Eurotrip, one of my students Adam had an experience in Budapest with this where I was able to coach him through it in real time over the course of a few hours. I brought out a girl I dated last year and she brought out a friend. Her friend was subordinate to her so she basically followed her lead and because she was into me, it was easier for the friend to be into Adam. This is probably one of the easiest ways to get a girl. You are basically awesome by association and it minimizes the “good girl” or “anti-whore” mentality she wants to stay away from. Over the course of the night Adam would touch and she would touch back. Adam was touching a lot and she was very receptive. However at certain points Adam would over do it and she would pull away.
From years of practice, I’ve trained myself to notice this stuff just as well if not better than women do. Women are EXTREMELY keen to other women’s nonverbal communication. If they notice one of their friends giving a guy repeated negative body language, they will come over and save her every single time. Lame guys have it happen to them and then tell their buddies “Her dumb friends came and pulled her away but she was totally into me.” I think “Uhhh no she wasn’t, you’re just too stupid to realize that they had to save her from you because you were creeping her out.”
So during this interaction I played the role of the girl, but I wasn’t saving her, I was saving Adam, from himself. I would walk over and whisper to him to pull away, grab a drink or be distant or on his phone for a second until she re-engaged him. This worked perfectly every time because she wanted the attention so whenever he took it away she would fight to get it back. This stage of the interaction usually lasts for hours and it’s what leads to sex. As time goes on, she invests more and more with her body and you follow her amount of investment. I start by touching innocuous places and focus on her arm between the wrists and her shoulders. Women will touch me back in the same zone if they are into me and then I’ll move on to upper/lower back, then hand holding, then both hands so she squares her hips off to me, or whispering in her ear to see if she moves her head into me. Her squaring off or leaning in when I whisper or her playing with my fingers while hand holding are all signs that I’m 100% golden for the kiss. I’m getting the kiss 99/100 times in this situation and the 1 time I don’t is only if there is some extenuating circumstance (outliers).
I instigated body shots to get Adam and her kissing and he was able to escalate to making out later on. Once at the club they were basically dry humping/grinding on the dance floor so I knew he was good. I can’t emphasize enough how bad most of guys are at this stage. This is the stage when women will say “I just feel like we didn’t have any chemistry” after you’ve messed it up. They all mess it up in the same way, by being too passive and not touching enough and hoping she will do the work. On rare occurrence I’ll watch one of you touch too much too often without any reciprocation and you’ll creep her out.
Here is what I do:
– I touch a lot in the beginning. If she isn’t touching back within 2 minutes, I’m done. The only exception is if I’m winging for someone. I had a great conversation with this girl for 25 minutes before she touched me once. But if Pablo wasn’t getting love from his girl, I would have been gone.
– Once she touches back I know she is interested and move down the line I mentioned above. If she is matching my speed I will continue escalating at the same pace. If she is really aggressive, it’s usually a test. Some girls will get really aggressive to see if you’ll get too excited and lose your cool. They will be all over you one second and then gone 3 seconds later. You just got played. If I sense this is happening, I will subtly pull away and sometimes even make fun of her for it. “Easy tiger!” This shows you’re not a typical douche.
– I’ll move things forward as fast as I can without overdoing it and then go for the kill which in my mind is the kiss or pulling her hair (back of her head at the roots) and then kissing her. I guess this is an example of “snake in the grass” but I think a better term would be a constrictor slowing squeezing his victim to submission before going for the kill, lol.
– Once we kiss I can really gauge how turned on she is. Is she holding back or is she tonguing the hell out of me. If it’s the latter I know she is in a highly aroused emotional state and she’ll go with the flow as I continue to be dominant and aggressive. If she’s holding back I’m not gonna push it too hard because I’ll end up looking like a greaseball.
– You always need to be looking for answers from her body, not her words. Often times girls will be passionately making out with me and say things like “we can’t have sex tonight.” In this case that means “please have sex with me tonight.” If she is making out with me but holding back and she says that, she means it and if she had to say it, I’ve probably already pushed too hard. If a girl ever gives you a hard no, it’s a sign that you’ve pushed too hard for way too long. She has already told you 10 times with her body to slow down and you’re too stupid to notice, so now she has to stop you and say it.
Any guy who is a natural with chicks is a pro at this stuff. He may suck at opening or have terrible approach anxiety, but he’s gonna clean up anytime he gets love because he knows how to operate. That is why guys like this dominate online dating. They show up on a date and subtly and smoothly moves things forward little by little and before she knows it, she’s naked and thinking “how the hell did this happen.”
However, if you have no physical game and weak conversation skills, you’re gonna strike out almost every time and all your strike outs will be in the form of interactions slowly fizzling out and the girl slowly fading into darkness on you. It’s a slow and painful death. I’d much rather be too aggressive and find out immediately if she’s in or out. Saves me time, money and saltiness when I invest hours in a girl and end up with nothing to show for it. If you can rock a girls world in bed then she will forever invest WAYYY more in your interactions then you will. She will chase you for sex and do anything to get even a second of your attention.
So remember, the act of approaching is already a huge investment, don’t overdo it by being nervous, over complimenting, or being a people pleasing, agreeable wuss. Touch her at first like you would touch your guy friends, just in a slightly more gentle way if you usually touch your friends like a dubious ruffian. If she touches back, touch her like you would touch her if you have already kissed. And once you’ve kissed, touch her like she’s already your girlfriend.