Inner Confidence

Dating & Lifestyle Advice That Doesn't Suck

  • Podcast
  • Reviews
  • Products
    • Leverage Program
    • “Make Her Want You” Texting Secrets
    • Online Image Makeover
    • Conversational Confidence
  • About
    • Contact
  • Blog
  • Members

Embarass Yourself to Overcome Social Anxiety

by Robbie 2 Comments

James, Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise in BudapestOne of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year’s EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get.

There’s actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert Ellis invented the concept in 1968 and called them shame-attacking exercises. They’re an amazingly effective way to overcome social anxiety, and for guys who want to give less of a fuck.

Most people overestimate the costs associated with making a social mistake. They think that if they appear incompetent, crazy, or obnoxious, the results will be drastic and they won’t be able to handle it. Many people go to counseling sessions do learn how to deal better with their issues.

Social freedom exercises prove that most guys’ thoughts about this are wrong. When you do the exercises, you’ll usually find that a lot of people don’t even notice or care. If you lie down in a public place, rather than being shamed, most people won’t even notice you, or at the most they’ll walk around you. Due to CBD’s rising popularity, a number of studies have examined hemp oil products as a treatment for anxiety. A 2011 study showed that CBD reduced anxiety and discomfort during public speaking in people with social anxiety disorder. Another 2011 study found that CBD reduced anxiety symptoms in people with social anxiety disorder. You can consider the FluxxLab™ CBN tincture oil which has been reviewed as the best by the users.

We’re all the star of our own movies, and we don’t really care what’s happening in other people’s movies. People don’t care about you as much as you think they do. They’re probably busy looking at their phones anyway.

Having intentionally awkward conversations, like asking random strangers where the nearest STD clinic is, isn’t as painful as most guys expect it to be. In fact, a lot of times these conversations are hilarious and guys walk away laughing at their newfound social freedom and lack of concern about rejection.

Knowingly violating social norms is a powerful way to overcome your fears.

It’s amazing what you get just by asking. While the point of these exercises is to increase your social freedom, some of them teach another lesson. Most people don’t ask for what they really want. They walk on eggshells, trying to avoid inconveniencing or offending others, when in reality, other people are more than happy to help out.

This morning at Coffee Bean, I asked for a discount on my coffee. The barista gave me a polite no. It didn’t work out that time, but at least I asked.

Later in the day, I took an Uber ride with what must have the world’s most mediocre driver. He decided that taking the freeway would be too efficient, so he randomly exited and doubled the length of the trip. After the ride, instead of just saying “oh well, that’s life,” I asked Uber to give me a credit for my time. It wasn’t like he was completely terrible, but hey, why not ask?

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 1.20.08 PM

Asking paid off!

There are countless examples that arise in daily life where most people don’t ask for things they can probably get:

  • If you miss a credit card payment and incur a late fee, you can usually get it removed by calling and asking
  • If you call your cable company, you can often negotiate a lower rate by having them match a competitor’s price
  • If you always ask for discounts at stores and restaurants in a funny way, you’ll sometimes get them
  • If you’re friendly with the airline desk agent, you can get free upgrades when there’s space on the place

What other examples can you think of for developing social freedom and getting free stuff? Post in the comments below.

Filed Under: Blog, Confidence, Connection, Inner Game, Procrastination, Uncomfortable Tagged With: albert ellis, cognitive behavioral therapy, confidence, Embarrass Yourself, Inner Confidence, overcoming shyness, rational emotive behavioral therapy, REBT, shame-attacking exercises, shyness, social anxiety, social anxiety disorder, social confidence, social freedom exercises, social mishap exposure

Read More Articles On…

Comments

  1. ara shirinian says

    August 25, 2016 at 4:28 PM

    Especially since this past weekend where I did all the social freedom exercises, I notice I am taking immediate action for what I want in basically every single area of my life where I would have hesitated or avoided before.

    I told my gf about a super annoying way she taps me. She stopped doing it and we feel closer now that I brought it up. I just asserted a disagreement to my friend in the office and he turned around and agreed with me. My ex roommate called me to pick up his bike, and I reminded him of the wall he damaged and told him he could fix the wall or pay me $20 and then pick up the bike, he agreed. All these things I would have hesitated or avoided before. And I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin.

    My latest free stuff incident was on the way to LA at starbucks, they were selling these gourmet pop tarts and I commented about how much I love pop tarts but they always leave you wanting more and someone needs to invent a better pop tart and the girl working there asked me if I wanted to try one, she literally just opened up a package and gave me and my friend half each, no charge.

    Reply
  2. Cameron says

    August 25, 2016 at 4:47 PM

    I am kind of afraid of these exercises, pretty embarrassing after doing 1000 s of approaches and deliberately trying to turn myself into a landmark zombie.

    I love the Ellis reference, mr cbt loved women too!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Podcast

Leverage Podcast

196 episodes
Ready to take your lifestyle to a whole new level? Discover all the benefits of upgrading to a Leverage Membership.

Get Leverage

Reviews

  • Fernando, 44 – Brazil
  • Joe, 23 – Germany
  • Niels, 27 – Copenhagen
  • Hugh, 37 – New York
  • Marty, 52 – Vancouver
  • Leonardo, 48 – Detroit
  • Ken, 32 – Los Angeles
  • Joseph, 56 – New York
  • Dave, 31 – Houston
  • Jason, 30 – New York

Read More Articles…

About

innerconfidence header logo

Inner Confidence is a men’s lifestyle self-help service provider, founded by Robbie Kramer, with a suite of products and content, including coaching, mentorship, and information products on dating, … Read More

Videos

Check out our library of full length speeches and interviews below from Robbie … Watch Now

Reviews

Follow Us On

  • Facebook
  • Instagram

© 2022 Inner Confidence · Rainmaker Platform