What Should I Do When A Girl Cancels A Date?
The first thing to do is don’t allow yourself to get overly emotional which we’ll cover later in the post.
Of course you’re gonna be disappointed but first, let's break down the reasons why she might cancel and what you can do about it.
Reasons why:
She just wasn't that into you.
Valid reason (eg family emergency, got sick, etc...) but extremely unlikely.
There is another guy she likes more who swooped in and she went to hang with him instead.
She wasn’t in the mood.
It's a test to see how you'll handle it.
How to tell:
If it was a genuine reason, she will almost always suggest a rain check.
If it was another reason that involves her no longer being interested in you, then you typically won't hear from her again.
If it was due to another guy, then she'll continue to be responsive because she wants to keep you on the back burner, but she'll probably make it impossible to reschedule until he’s out of the picture.
How should you react?
The worst thing you can do is to show that you are upset or angry. Guys often do this by texting something emotionally charged, or demanding an explanation for why she cancelled the date.
If she messaged you that she was cancelling, don’t feel the need to instantly respond. Take your time and respond in a way that shows that you aren’t phased by it. Your response should be casual and nonchalant. The following examples work great:
"All good, now I have time to (insert something that demonstrates your value)" Examples are: catch up on a bunch of work, hit the gym today, finish my thesis, work on my book.
"Cool, cool"
Make a low investment joke that references some previous callback humor you texted about.
This may shock you…
This comes as a shock to most men, but high status women with a very high sexual market value (SMV) will flake on first dates more often than not, because they want to see how you will react.
She will do this to a man she isn't super sold on, but she likes enough to date in the future if he handles the flake "shit test" correctly.
So if her flake is a shit-test, responding in a nonchalant and casual way will get her to realize that you're a cool dude with an equally high sexual market value and she'll probably circle back around and initiate a re-schedule.
But if you push to reschedule, you've failed the test!
How to tell if she wasn’t that into you in the first place…
If you were a bit on the pushy side to setup a date or you went for the date really early on in the message exchange without seeing equal investment from her first, you’ll often get flaked on.
On a scale of 1-10 what did you feel like her investment level in you was?
On a scale of 1-10 how into you do you think she was when you confirmed the date with her?
Use this chart to objectively answer:
Again if she isn't that into you, there is almost no hope for scheduling a second date in the immediate future if she flaked on the first one. But you have time on your side to build attraction through witty messages and posting quality content.
Also remember that girls cancel plans last minute all the time because they simply don't feel beautiful or they have a bad mood. We pinpointed 12 reasons why a woman would flake and most have nothing to do with you. The best thing in this situation is to not push too hard for a second time and she will circle back around if she likes you.
Should you guilt trip her?
It’s human nature to want to make her feel bad for flaking, but this terrible game, even if you think the guilt trip will possibly change her mind.
No one wants to feel guilt tripped into anything, especially a date, and reacting in a hostile emotional way will always hurt you in the long run. You might make her feel guilty and change her mind in the short term, but this type of manipulation will always undermine her attraction for you.
The more dating options you have, the less you'll care about a flake.
But until you reach that point, if you are in this situation and feel upset, there isn't really a way to talk yourself out of not feeling upset. Emotional self-talk doesn’t respond well to rational thought when you are in the heat of the moment. That isn't the point though.
You don’t need to talk yourself out of the feeling; you just need to talk yourself out of acting on it.
It's okay to feel upset when she cancels a date. It happens to all of us and it’s a part of the human emotional experience.
If a similar situation arises in the future, recognize that you feel upset, recognize what action impulse you are experiencing as a result of that emotion (such as urge to text something you’ll regret), and don't take that action.
Never send a message when you’re in a bad mood.
Can you think back to a time when you were upset and you sent an angry or salty message to someone? How stupid did you feel about it later? How much needless drama did it create?
Emotions will throw you off if you take what they tell you literally. Take them as feedback about your comfort zone, not as an indicator of how you should behave. It's the same phenomenon when you feel approach anxiety to go and talk to a woman: the best way to handle it is to acknowledge that it's there, don't fight it, and do the opposite of what the emotion tells you to do.
You feel the anxiety and approach anyway.
Practice mindfulness skills (being able to recognize your emotions in the moment you’re experiencing them) and take a pause instead of acting when you recognize an urge to send an emotionally charged text.
A great technique is to set a four hour timer when you’re upset about something and resolve to not do anything about it until the timer goes off.
Should I delete her number?
No. Deleting her contact information is an emotional reaction because you feel rejected. Just let it go and maybe she'll come back to you. Maybe she won't, but at least give her the option to do so instead of allowing your current temporary emotional pain to get the best of you. I’ve had women circle back into my life years later when their situation changed and I improved my sexual market value. If I had deleted their contact it would have killed this possibility.
There's always a chance she stops seeing whoever she's currently talking to and hits you up in the future, so be cool and don't burn your bridges. Don't take this kind of thing personally.
It never pays to delete a number.
So now that you understand the reasons why she most likely cancelled the date, what should you do next?
Option 1: Make Her Fomo
Use the time you had slotted for this date to go out and do something else cool and document it on an Instagram story.
Imagine that your phone started ringing right now… it’s your best bud calling you to invite you on his boat with a bunch of models. Then you post this story on your IG and she watches...
How do you think she would feel? Do you think she would regret her decision to cancel or think you were a scumbag for hanging out with a bunch skanky women?
If you think it’s the latter, then you need to study female psychology and understand the concept of preselection aka mate choice copying.
The yacht example is obviously unrealistic today, but what else could you use this time for to make her fomo?
You could hit the gym and post a story pumping iron. It won’t have the same impact as the yacht but it’s still going to show her that you’re a man of self discipline and healthy habits.
The kicker here is whether or not she follows you on Instagram. I stopped asking for women’s phone numbers a long time ago and made the effort to build my Instagram to demonstrate I was a man of high value.
Think of your Instagram profile as your landing page. It’s the website you are sending people to after they meet you. It’s selling a product, you! Your profile either elevates or lowers your perceived value.
Guys that say “I don’t care about Instagram. It’s not reality!” are just making life hard on themselves.
Leveraging Instagram allows me and other guys that “get it” to have awesome experiences in real life because we’ve harnessed the power behind it. Notice how the people that hate on Instagram, rarely have aspirational lives. You can ignore reality, but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. The reality is that your status matters and Instagram plays a huge role. It’s your digital avatar and personal brand, and it’s going to matter more and more and more in the coming years.
If you’re feeling like you’re too late to the Instagram game or you missed the boat, you’re wrong! If you need an example of a profile that works to attract women, here’s mine: https://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramer/
I’m married, but if you scroll down to this part you’ll see when I was single.
Option 2: Go out tonight and meet some new awesome people.
Do you know where the cool kids hang out in your city? If you do, go there and make some friends.
“Hey man you’re killing the shoe game with those things, I’m jealous! So where are you from? What do you think of this spot, pretty good vibes here or nah? Anyway, I gotta get back to my friends, we’re celebrating a birthday tonight but you seem cool, we should stay in touch, what’s your IG?”
Message your new contacts the next day and use this strategy to build your status over time. This is the ultimate long game approach to becoming both high status and having unbelievable options with women. But it’s obviously not gonna happen overnight.
I outline more of this strategy here.
Option 3: Use this time to actually improve your game.
Reading this blog is a good first step to understanding female psychology, but most guys get caught in analysis paralysis mode by actually studying too much online content. It’s way more effective to study content that is custom tailored to your specific sticking points than reading random articles and watching self help videos. Men fall into three distinct buckets on their journey to attraction mastery.
Bucket 1 - Attraction Aspirant: You don’t consistently generate attraction. You might find yourself in a pattern where dates are rare, and when they do happen, they seldom lead to deeper connections or second dates. You’re conscious about your spending, wary of being perceived wrongly, and perhaps your style doesn’t quite express who you truly are.
Bucket 2 - Chase Changer: You generate attraction but you find yourself chasing the women you really want instead of getting them to chase you. You are uncertainty in making bold moves. While you're attractive and successful, translating that into dating confidence, especially with high-value women, remains a challenge. Self-sabotage and hesitancy can often be the barrier between you and the dating success you seek.
Bucket 3 - Selective Strategist: You find dating and initiating connections relatively easy, but the challenge lies in attracting those who truly excite and inspire you. It's about understanding the subtle dynamics of high-value dating and leveraging your strengths to create not just any connection but the right one.
To see which bucket you fail into and to get a tailored action plan to improve, answer these 10 quick questions.
Cheers,
Robbie
