It’s a situation we’ve all been in: you recently met a girl and things seemed to click. You set up a date, and she either tells you she can’t make it, or cuts off any contact whatsoever aka “ghosts” you.
When a girl cancels a date, you may find yourself in a painful situation. But how do you react?
The worst thing you can do is to show that you are upset or angry. Guys often do this by texting something emotionally charged, or demanding an explanation for why she cancelled the date.
The best thing you can do is to show that you aren’t phased by it. Your response should be casual and nonchalant. The following work great:
- “All good”
- Don’t respond and leave the message on “read.”
Guys who have options with women aren’t phased by a flake.
No one wants to feel guilt tripped into anything, especially a date, and reacting in a hostile emotional way will always hurt you in the long run. You might make her feel guilty and change her mind in the short term, but this type of manipulation will always undermine her attraction for you.
The more dating options you have, the less you’ll care about a flake.
But until you reach that point, if you are in this situation and feel upset, there isn’t really a way to talk yourself out of not feeling upset. Emotional self-talk doesn’t respond well to rational thought when you are in the heat of the moment.
That isn’t the point though. You don’t need to talk yourself out of the feeling; you just need to talk yourself out of acting on it. It’s okay to feel upset when she cancels a date. It happens to all of us and it’s a part of the human emotional experience.
If a similar situation arises in the future, recognize that you feel upset, recognize what action impulse you are experiencing as a result of that emotion (such as urge to text something you’ll regret), and don’t take that action.
This technique is the reason why it’s good advice to postpone sending a heated email until you’re no longer upset.
Emotions will throw you off if you take what they tell you literally. Take them as feedback about your comfort zone, not as an indicator of how you should behave. It’s the same phenomenon when you feel approach anxiety: the best way to handle it is to acknowledge that it’s there, don’t fight it, and do the opposite of what the emotion tells you to do. You feel the anxiety and approach anyway.
Practice mindfulness skills (being able to recognize your emotions in the moment you’re experiencing them) and take a pause instead of acting when you recognize an urge to send an emotionally charged text.
Should I delete her number?
No. Deleting her contact information is an emotional reaction because you feel rejected. Just let it go and maybe she’ll come back to you. Maybe she won’t, but at least give her the option to do so instead of allowing your current temporary emotional pain to get the best of you.
There’s always a chance she stops seeing whoever she’s currently talking to and hits you up in the future, so be cool and don’t burn your bridges.
Don’t take this kind of thing personally. There are a million reasons why she might cancel a date or not respond to you, and all you can do is focus on what you can control. It never pays to delete a number.
What you can do though is be better at texting to increase your chances of getting her out on a date without flaking on you.