229: Navigating the Modern Dating Scene: Tips, Tricks, and Truths
(Full Episode Transcript Scroll To Bottom of Page)
Show Notes:
02:48 – Standard style of dating VS social circle style of dating – Find out the different styles of dating and how to adapt!
04:36 – Forced monogamy & involuntary celibacy – Find out what these terms mean and why men are doing this!
06:15 – “Spin the plates” – Learn how to use the same technique that women use to choose men!
10:15 – Passing woman’s shit test! – if she’s not testing you, she is NOT interested!!
12:06 – Instagram – Find out how Instagram play a role in meeting beautiful woman!
16:15 – See how the pros are doing it on Instagram – Watch this example on how to post funny and witty content that will make women love you!
23:23 – FAKE IT until you make it! – learn how to build an abundance mindset!
24:24 – If you keep texting her, she’s going to lose interest! – Learn why a woman only wants guys that other women desire!
25:04 – A lot of guys that want to get into pick need therapy! – Find out why men need therapy before getting into pickup!
26:14 – 3 books that are a MUST-READ before going in the field – Learn about these top 3 books that will improve your game!
27:49 – If a guy doesn’t have an abundance of women, it means he’s afraid of rejection! – Here we discuss rejection and how to get over it!
31:15: – The IC community is a brotherhood! – Learn how having a brotherhood can help you get laid!
38:34 – IC member approached 40+ girls – We discuss why it’s not hard to get out there and take ACTION!
40:04 – Tinder is as addictive as gambling – we discuss how dating sites have the same effect as a slot machine!
41:21 – Woman are the one who do the choosing! – Learn how the animal kingdom doesn’t differentiate that much from humans when it comes to attracting the opposite sex!
43:40 – This is the only dating site worth using! – Find out what makes this dating site better than the others!
45:04 – Tinder is a fuck app – Learn why tinder is useless and unfair!
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Transcript
Robbie Kramer [00:00:00]:
A lot of guys who get into pickup, they should really start with therapy first. If a woman’s not testing you, it means she’s not interested. You’re not going to get any women. If you don’t like women, you have to first actually like women, and I don’t have them paying for hookers or anything like that. That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s like, well, you got time to sit on Tinder when you’re taking a dump. I think Tinder bumble. Hinge. All this bullshit is going to be out of business. You need to get out and you need to approach women because you need to get past your fear of rejection to get laid. By Hen welcome to the Interconfidence podcast.
Ayesh [00:00:28]:
Where we bring you men’s dating and lifestyle advice that doesn’t suck. I’m your host, Robbie Kramer, a former collegiate golfer turned poker pro turned finance guy who became obsessed with learning about male female attraction and dynamics, and passionate about teaching men how to improve and optimize their love life. Tune in each week and we’ll bring you the latest and greatest strategies on how to get more dates, how to build a thriving social circle that brings the best men and women into your life, how to become a better networker, and how to design a lifestyle that makes all your buddies jealous. If you’re new to the show, I recommend you download my First Date Protocol. It’s the best piece of content I have. It’ll help you optimize your first date and subsequent dates. And I like to connect with my listeners personally, so if you want to grab a copy of that, please send me a direct message on Instagram. I’m at Robbie Kramer. Now let’s dive into this week’s content.
Robbie Kramer [00:01:19]:
Yeah, so in early, let’s see, january of 2022, I was engaged, my Ukrainian fiance, who’s now my wife. So we left Kiev, packed up the car with our two dogs, and drove down to Turkey. Our plan was to avoid the cold and the winter and to play golf. And then the war broke out. And also my wife was modeling in Istanbul, so I can work from anywhere, obviously running my Intercontinence community. So I was doing that. I actually had a couple of clients come and visit us in Istanbul. My wife was working as a model, and then the war broke out. So our plan prior to that was to go back to Ukraine and wait for her to get her K one fiance visa so we could come to the States and get married and then have the option of living both here in the States and in Ukraine. But obviously now we don’t feel comfortable going back to Kiev because of the war and the situation, and we’re waiting for my wife’s green card. We’ve been in the States now since June, so it’s been about ten months. We just moved to La. So we’ve got a cool spot here. Not sure if you can see through the window there, but nice view of Century City. We’re in central La. So the question is, how do you move from an exclusive style of dating? Or I guess or how do you move from the standard style of dating to a more social circle style of dating? Yeah, social circle is kind of one of those buzzwords that you see being run around in the dating community these days. And a lot of guys want to do like, social circle games, but they don’t yet have the ability to build what I call like, trying to think of the words to not sound bad. Okay, so when women are dating guys, they’re dating multiple men at the same time, right? They don’t call it dating. They say, oh, I’m just seeing him, or, yeah, I’m just talking to these guys. Right. But really what’s happening is they’re typically sleeping with a variety of guys and they choose the best one out of the bunch, and they choose that guy for a myriad of reasons. Typically they’re attracted to all those guys, otherwise they wouldn’t sleep with them. And then they’re choosing the guy for his personality, right, or for his ability to be a good partner or a good provider down the line if they’re looking to start a family. And most guys do not employ that same dating strategy. Most guys go from either involuntarily celibate, right? They’re not getting late at all. They don’t get enough dates, they don’t have options. Then they might get one girl and they’re going to quickly lock her down because they want consistent access to sex, right? And they’re like, all right, well, and you hear it all the time, I just want a girlfriend, I just want a girlfriend. It’s like, well, you only hear that from guys who typically don’t have any girls at all, right? If you see a guy who’s got a handful of women and he’s got girls all over the place and he says, I want a girlfriend, well, then that’s probably true. He probably does want a girlfriend. But for most guys, when they say, I want a girlfriend, that’s coming from a place of scarcity, not from a place of abundance. And they just kind of lock down the first girl that they is lucky enough to sleep with them. So if you’re in that stage when I call that forced monogamy, right, if you’re either in involuntary celibacy or forced monogamy, that is not choosing from a place of you’re not making the right choice, you could say, because you don’t have any options. So in order to kind of do what women do, we need to be able to consistently attract them. We need to date multiple women at the same time. Spin plates is a term you hear that thrown around in the manosphere and the personal growth community. We need to spin plates simultaneously, which means dating a bunch of girls at the same time, sleeping with a bunch of women at the same time and then choosing out of those women the best one based on her personality and her likelihood to be a good partner and same values, same life trajectory. Like if you want to have a family and kids down the road, you’d hope to choose someone who also wants those things, right? If you want to have a lot of fun and you want to party and you want to have crazy bachelor like experiences and you want to find a bisexual girlfriend, well then you’re kind of filtering for that sort of thing, right? And there’s tons of girls out there who are into that too. But if you want just one girl, you want to choose from a pool of many because that’s what women are doing. They are choosing one guy if they are choosing one guy from a pool of many, if they’re hot and if they have access, right? That’s how you want any negotiation to go, right? If you’re trying to get the best job with the best paying salary and the best benefits and all that stuff, you’re going to interview at a bunch of places, get a bunch of offers, and choose the best one. So dating should be no different. Now the question was, what is the advantage of social circle dating? Or how do you build a social circle for dating? It’s like, well, if you can’t do that other thing that I just talked about, if you don’t have the ability to sleep with multiple women and choose the best one, then you have no business trying to do social circle game just yet. You’re not ready. So I like to make the analogy. Social circle is like farming. And what I just described, that dating process, that’s like hunting, right? So you can go on tiger, you can go day game, you can go out to bars, you can meet these girls, you can take them on dates, and then you can sleep with them and then casually see them and then choose the best one from that, right? That’s like a hunting mentality. But farming is totally different. So when you’re switching the social circle, what I call farming, there is no dating. You’re not taking girls on dates at all. You’re taking them on group dates. And those group dates are your events, right? So you meet a girl day gaming, and rather than invite her on a one on one date, you just add her to your Instagram. You chat with her a little on Instagram, some flirting back and forth. But rather than ask her on a date, you just don’t do that. And if you’re consistently showing that you’re a high value dude doing cool shit and it doesn’t mean you have to be doing cool shit all the time. It just means you got to be able to caption your everyday shit in a funny way to make it look like you’re doing relatively interesting shit. I’m not talking about going to crazy parties all the time or doing anything out of the ordinary. I’m just saying have the ability to show what you’re currently doing in a fun and interesting way, right? You don’t even have to be doing stuff. You can just be posting like funny memes with the occasional caption of you fucking walking across the street, finding something interesting in the space, and creating a caption on that. Now, if you guys are listening to, oh, I can’t do that, that’s really hard. Well, that is a skill you have to develop. But my point is instead of asking girls on dates, they’re going to be like, why isn’t this guy asking me on a date? Every other guy asked me on a date. Why doesn’t this guy and she’s going to see that you have an interesting life and that you have a cool Instagram and you’re doing cool shit. And then she’s going to reach out to you at some point and she’s going to be like, what are you up to? And that’s when you know you should invite her to something. And then you’re going to invite her to a group thing. She’s going to show up. There’s going to be other women there that are going to want you too. Now she’s going to feel that competition anxiety because there’s other girls who are gunning for you also. And what does every girl want? Well, they want the guy who other girls want, right? That’s the easiest way. And really the only way to get eight and up consistently I can’t talk today is to show that other eights and up want you. You can show that through Instagram. You can show that in person at the little parties that you have. And I’m not talking about big fancy crazy Playboy parties like the stuff that I used to throw. I’m talking about little dinner parties, right? Or after parties or pre parties before going out to a restaurant or to a club or to a local sort of live music sort of deal, right? But if that seems really hard to you, if that seems out of like, you know, totally impossible, it just means you need to get better at the hunting stuff first. You need to be able to build like a consistent dating funnel, whether that’s through online dating, day game, night game, maybe sugar game seeking arrangements. That’s another great way that I work with a lot of older guys and I don’t have them paying for hookers or anything like that. That’s not what I’m talking about. Actually. I teach a lot of young guys how to use sugar dating as well. But it is a very consistent way to get a lot of dates. And when you go on a lot of dates, you get really good at dating. You get really good at all the skills that require consistently building attraction, passing women’s shit tests as we like to call them, right? Any woman, if she’s attracted to you, she’s going to test you to make sure you’re really the guy that she thinks you might be, right? So if a woman’s not testing you, it means she’s not interested. So what’s she going to do on the date? She’s going to give you a hard time, she’s going to call you out on stuff. She’s going to try to pigeonhole you into saying the wrong thing. And it’s not because she’s a bitch or a horrible person. It’s just because she needs to see if you’re the sort of guy that she wants, right? So that is sort of like the progression, the journey for a guy who’s looking to be and it doesn’t matter if you’re looking to live the lifestyle of like a damblesarian or you’re looking to land your idea of a perfect ten. It’s the same journey. The only difference is once you have the ability to live that damblesarian lifestyle, then you just choose the best girl and you make her your wife, right? Or you make her your open marriage or whatever sort of lifestyle you want. And then you create that. So it’s like choosing the best women from a pool because you’re so attractive that you have those options. In the meantime, there’s lots of steps along the way, and we can dive into those specific steps. Like, if someone comes to me and he’s not getting any dates, it’s a lot different strategy. I’m not even going to talk about social circle with that guy. That’s like way down the line. That’s like a guy with no money and he’s homeless telling me he wants passive income. I’m like, well, let’s get you a normal income first and then we can deal with the passive income, right? Because you need investments to create passive income, just like you need the asset of a social circle to create passive social opportunities or passive sex, you could say. The question is, how does Instagram play a role in this? How does Instagram play a role? How do you come up with funny, interesting content to show that you’re a cool guy worth a girl chasing and asking kind of out on a date or asking to be invited out? Well, the first mistake guys make when it comes to Instagram is they think that they really need an amazing profile feed. And when I’m talking about the feed, I’m talking about when you look at your profile, you’ve got those, you see nine photos or videos, and then you might see some highlight stories. You see a bio, right? That’s kind of like your Instagram main page. So guys get really focused on that and they think they need hundreds of photos that are really high quality and showing themselves with tons of girls around yachts or this or that, the other. Sure, if you have those, great. But if you don’t have those, it’s not that big of a deal. I know guys who have a really successful dating life. They only have three pictures, literally three pictures. One guy I know, he’s got a picture of Mickey Mouse. He’s got one other photo of him in like a tropical spot. And then I think another photo, which isn’t even of him. It’s just like a landscape. But what he does do, that’s his feed. When you go to his profile, that’s all you see. But I think he even has a negative follower count. I think he’s got like 1700 followers and I think he follows more than that. But what he does do is he posts interesting stories, right? Because he does cool stuff and he does a good job of posting that content. So the women that follow him, he’s kind of mysterious. They don’t see what’s going on on his page because there’s nothing there. But they do see his consistent content. And that’s what you’re going for. When you go on Instagram, you’re listening to this and you’re like thinking about what your typical Instagram experience looks like. I guarantee you go on there and you just watch stories. The ones that pop up, right? That’s all you’re doing. And the girls are doing the same stuff. They’re just watching stories, right? And your goal is to post good, consistent stories. If you can get to multiple a day, that’s great. It’s kind of like the more the better, as long as they’re high quality. And like I said earlier, it can range from a funny caption of what you had for breakfast. It could be something from your commute to work. You could repost funny memes. You could find other content, repurpose that content. You could just hold up your phone and make a little selfie video. The point is, you have to lean into this skill. What I do in my group is we have a channel called social media, and we’re all constantly posting in there and stealing each other’s content, getting feedback on whether or not the content is good and postable and learning how to kind of sharpen our sword and get better at the skill. Because coming up with funny captions is kind of like texting, right? Like once you kind of get in the habit of doing it, it becomes easier and easier. It’s like any sort of humor. You got to practice. Like if I want to get funnier, I’m going to look for situations where I can find irony in things. I’m going to look for words that I can tweak and make a joke out of that. And it’s going to take me a while in the beginning to get good at that, to be fast. But as I practice, I’m going to get better and better. Same thing with the captions. As I practice coming up with interesting captions, I’m going to get better and better. Just like as I practice coming up with witty text, I’m going to get better and better, and I’m going to build that skill over time. So it’s not a game changer overnight. Take some time. But this stuff is hard. What else? There is no such thing as, like, an overnight dating success, unless you just happen to be a really good looking dude with a six pack and amazing social skills that’s been hiding in a cave, and then you come out and, hey, here I am. That doesn’t all right, so I can show you some examples of guys who have good profiles. So this guy, he does a great job of posting funny content. So here you see him on a boat, right, with cool people. Let me go back to that one. We’re all just accessories to Felipe’s story, right? How can I stop that? There’s a post button. What’s that? Here we go. Amazing, right? So here we go. He spliced these four photos together. This is his buddy. He’s on the boat. He’s with these three cute girls, right? And they’ve all got the duck. So obviously, he put some time into creating this, and he came up with a funny caption here, right? He could have just done the lazy thing and just put four photos of these good looking people, but he went the extra mile and said, we’re all just accessory to Felipe’s story. So he’s showing so many cool things here. He’s showing, like, I surround myself with high value guys and beautiful women. We do cool stuff, and we’re joking around and having fun. We’re authentic, we’re cool, right? So that’s that first photo. This is just a story from the last 24 hours. Now we’ve got there’s music playing in the back. Feel the vibration. It’s such a good vibration. It’s that song, right? So now there’s people having fun. The next one. See what goes on here? All right, this is him in his garage, right? Like, do we really need an interesting background? No. Him in his garage wearing a red shirt, a bull hat saying, 459 audiobooks on the lake. Don’t mind if I do. This is what I mean. Like, this photo without the caption would be totally useless. It would just be like a dumb selfie in a garage, right? But now, you know, he’s going to the lake. He listens to audiobooks. This is what I’m talking about. And this takes some skill to develop, because you got to kind of come up with that out of nowhere, right? But hey, anyone could take a selfie in a garage, right? Like when you say, oh, I need an interesting background for that. You don’t. All right, so let’s go on. Let’s skip to the next one. So this one is great. This is Jordan Harbinger. He’s a friend of mine. He’s got a very popular podcast called the Jordan Harbinger Show. He basically posts a hilarious meme once a day, and then he posts a link to his show once a day. And this says Monday breakfast be like, I like Pepsi. We have coke. Okay, I’ll take a gram of that and a Pepsi. Right? So just a funny story there. Next. We’ve got Dan. This is an example. Let’s see. Is there anything going on here? All right, obviously they’re playing volleyball here, right? But this is boring. This is lame. You need a caption, right? Either come up with something absurd and silly like having a great time playing baseball. At least that’s more interesting than just a boring not that nice of a photo. It’s like the photo is not even good. So this is just kind of this example of what not to do. If you’re going to go bothered to posting this, add a caption, right? Let’s see. Nick here. Yeah, a caption here would be great. This is a buddy of mine who’s in the war in Ukraine. I mean, he has really interesting war content, but this is a lot of it’s going to be in Ukrainian. Let’s skip to who else we got here. Fernando. He usually has cool shit. Okay. He’s been listening to my advice. Last stop on the way to Athens. Very cool photo with the location. I mean, when you have a photo this cool, not having a caption is okay because the photo can speak for itself. But he’s also signaling to people that he’s on the way somewhere interesting. Let’s see what else he’s got. Nice surprise. All right. Cool photo here. Now we’ve got a video like a square. Not bad. Up from the fortress. Could do better here. We need some humor. Now we’re going to get another video. It’s going to be a little bit boring. Like, most people are going to click through this, right? So more captions needed here. Let’s see what we got here. Another panorama. I’m going to literally say to more captions do we got here? More panorama. Definitely worth a longer stay. Okay, finally. Fucking caption. Here we go. Celebrating her birthday. All right, that’s cute. Time to head home. This would be more interesting if he put like, let’s go back to that a great idea for this. What comes to top of my head is like, okay, maybe he’s stealing someone in there. Found myself I don’t want to make fun of midgets, but I already kind of did, like, found myself a midget in Greece, right? I don’t know. That’s where my brain is going. Like making fun of something you can stuff in the bag. Or like, who knew they sold lots of cocaine in Greece, right? You’re just trying to come up with something ridiculous. That’s kind of where my mind goes. So this guy, I think that’s just a repost. He’s kind of like a promoter. He’s always promoting his stuff. But this isn’t a great example. Let’s see if there’s any other good examples of people I follow who post good stuff. You know, like the the bar. The bar is low. Like, it’s you don’t need to be that interesting. Like, most of the stuff that people are posting isn’t that great, but when you do post really cool stuff, you really stand out my story right now, this is a real I’ve only got one up right now. This is a link to my podcast. Obviously, this is for my business, but hopefully that gives you guys some ideas. Yeah. So the question is, how do you get more abundance? How do you build an abundance mindset? Well, there’s one school of thought which is? Fake it till you make it. Which I agree. There was a really good Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy called Fake It Till You Become It. I believe the title. And that does a really good job of explaining why that sort of Fake it till You Make It works. When you don’t have abundance, you still want to signal like you do, right? And an easy example of that would be, let’s say you get a girl’s number and your tendency is to message her right away, right? Maybe you don’t message her right away. Maybe you wait like a couple of days and maybe she messages you first, right? Or maybe you take a little while to respond to her. You show that you’re not so thirsty and you’re not so Johnny on the ball to talk to her. And if you do those things that most other guys do, which is text her immediately, text her a whole bunch of stuff and keep texting her all the time, you’re going to show like, okay, she’s the only girl that you’ve got. And that’s not very interesting for her. She wants a guy who other girls already want. So you can show that you have abundance by not being too available, by not texting too fast, by not responding too fast. But those are just all ways to signal that you have abundance, even if you don’t. To actually build abundance, well, there’s a few things you need to do. Well, first, you need to get your inner game in order, right? Like, a lot of guys will get into pickup coming from a place of really not liking women. And I think that’s a huge mistake. And you’re not going to get any women if you don’t like women. You have to first actually like women. So if you do have these negative trauma, that’s usually trauma induced stuff where maybe your mom was abusive and you had a shitty experience with women growing up, or you had other abusive women around, you probably don’t like women. And you should start with therapy. A lot of guys who get into pickup, they should really start with therapy first, and they should sort of untangle a lot of that trauma either from their childhood or a younger age. And they need to actually get to a place where they like women, or at least they’re indifferent about women. Because if you try to meet women and you don’t like them, it’s going to come through. It’s going to be very obvious, right? And you’re not going to enjoy the process anyways. So that’s step one, is get your inner game in order. Make sure you actually like women. Make sure you’re trying to improve your dating life for the right reasons. Now, once your inner game is at least to a place where you’re operating from a healthy mindset, well, now you need to get out on the court and take a lot of action right? Before you do that, I have three books that I well, not before. During that process. I really recommend that every guy read The Way of the Superior Man by David Data that will explain masculine versus feminine energy and how attraction and polarity works. If you’re a masculine sort of person or being, you’re probably more attracted to feminine women, feminine things, right. If you’re kind of in the middle, you might be attracted to kind of in the middle. And it’s important to understand those dynamics or you won’t know how to create attraction. Very quick and easy read way of superior man. David Data. And then there’s two other really good books that just do an amazing job of summarizing the entire journey and making sure guys have the correct sort of mindset going in. The first one is Mate by Tucker Max, and the next one is Models by Mark Manson. Mark Manson also wrote The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Which is a bestseller. And then he wrote a follow up to that, which is also an amazing book. So I recommend those as well. But once you read those books, then you need to get out and you need to approach women because you need to get past your fear of rejection. And if I meet a guy who doesn’t have an abundance of women in his life, it means he’s scared of rejection every single time. There’s very few guys you’ll ever meet in your life that are not afraid of rejection because we’re all programmed to be afraid of rejection, right? If you ask people’s two biggest fears, it’s platform speaking, public speaking. They’re not two biggest fears. The biggest fear, even before death, is public speaking. The second fear would probably be like approaching a beautiful woman. And that is the personal journey that if you go through, if you transform your relationship to rejection, you will have an abundance of women in your life in a relatively short period of time. And that journey for different guys can take a period of three to six months, kind of on the fast end of things. And for other guys, it can take a couple of years because there can be a lot of social skills that need to be developed along with that getting past rejection thing, right? Because I’ve seen before some guys who really have poor social skills, they can kind of immunize themselves against rejection. But. Then their social skills may not be good enough to actually make a connection, right? So you’re doing two things. By approaching a lot of women, you’re learning to not give a shit, which makes you more attractive. You’re desensitizing yourself to rejection, you’re taking more risks. And at the same time, you’re improving your social skills because you’re talking to all these people and you’re learning what works, what doesn’t work. You’re playing around with different ways of being, whether it’s better for you to be like the funny man or the straight man, a little bit more serious, a little bit more playful. You have to kind of fool around and find the most authentic way that you can present yourself, right? And people say, oh, well, my personality is this or that or the other. It’s like, no, I call bullshit. We don’t have set personalities. You’re not born with a personality. Right? You might be born with some other traits, but our personalities are very much molded by our community, our social circle, our local culture, and then by the action that you could take. Ghopper asked a question recently. I’ll get to that in a second, g hopper. But going back to that process, what I was saying is that is what’s going to get you from a place of scarcity to abundance. Going out and meeting women in real life and getting better at doing that is going to transform everything when it comes to your dating life, because you’re going to be getting more leads, and you’re going to be doing a better job at being attractive to those leads. So you need the reps. And along with that, I really recommend you get some coaching because you can go out and you can do all these reps. But if you’re making a bunch of mistakes and you don’t see those mistakes, then your path of improvement or your rate of improvement is going to be a lot slower than if you had a coach sort of watching you and saying, like, okay, do this different. That’s not the most optimal way of doing XYZ. And get to the question from Ghopper, can you elaborate how the Leverage program works? Is it group work? And essentially what we’re doing in the Leverage program is we’re a group of guys. I can share my screen here. So this is the IC Community, which used to be called the Leverage Program. Now it’s called the IC community. Same program, different name. So what we’re doing in here is we’re all taking a bunch of action, and then we’re helping each other to show how we could have done that action better. So one of the biggest popular channels is approaching under meeting girls lead generation. Right? So here we go. I just approached a younger looking girl. She was in a real touristy area of Berlin and was taking pictures. I went up to talk to her, commented on her picture taking, asked where she was from. And then her mom showed up when and that I didn’t fold and run away. I started talking more to the mom, talked a bit about America. Then I said, nice talking to you. Kind of repeated that I wanted to see if the girl wanted her pick taken. Wow, that sounds weird now. And left. I’m not sure I was supposed to ask her for a number, though. What would you all have done there? Given more variable. Right? So case in point, right? Guys are posting in here and we’re answering the questions and helping them improve their approaches. So that’s one way that we do it. I don’t want to show it too much because there’s some private stuff and we’re live on YouTube here. So I just realized. But the other thing that we do a lot, if you notice when I just opened that under organized girl advice is what was showing. And you saw a post from George and he had screenshots of a text message conversation, plus he had a write up of how he met that girl. And that’s, in my opinion, the fastest way to learn. Like, imagine you wanted to get better at tennis, right? So what do you do? You go out in the court with a coach. He watches you hit the ball. He shows you on a video how you’re hitting the ball, right? Maybe not video in the beginning. Like you can’t hit the ball at all. The video is not going to help. But first he gets you hitting the ball consistently. He shows you the proper technique. And then once you get pretty advanced, then he’s going to start using more advanced, like video camera showing you slow motion footage of your swing, trying to improve the finer details, right? So once the guy is out there approaching and getting some results now we’re going to start fine tuning. I’m going to ask him to record his approaches and post the audio or the video if he can get it in the group. And we’re going to go over what he said sort of line by line. All right, this was good because of that. This was a mistake because of that. And here you can see how she’s kind of rocking to leave and you didn’t address that soon enough and you missed an opportunity to connect with her and get her number before she got annoyed with you and left, right? Because you didn’t see that your social skills weren’t on point enough to realize when she was leaving. So we’re taking real life situations and giving personalized, direct feedback on how you can do better in those. And the other thing is why it’s effective is it’s a community of guys that are really supporting each other, going through this process together, right? If you just try to build an abundant dating life and you don’t have anyone helping you, you don’t have the support of other dudes, it’s a really lonely journey because what’s going to happen? You’re going to go out, you’re going to get rejected a lot, and you’re probably not going to want to continue because rejection feels bad. And if you’re not with someone saying, good job, man, good for you, you’re pushing your comfort zone and reminding you why you’re approaching in the first place. You’re going to start doing all sorts of wacky, horrible stuff for your inner game. You’re going to be like, all right, well, I got rejected so many times, I just want to get some success. So I’m just going to go for Instagram. Because Instagrams are easier than phone numbers, right? And then what you’ve just done in your mind is you’ve now, instead of going out with the intention of improving yourself and becoming a better guy, now you’re going out like the thirsty dude trying to collect Instagrams, and you might win that game. You might get a bunch of Instagrams, but you’re not going to get dates because she’s going to be like, all right, this guy’s just like, out trying to collect an Instagram. Like, you walk through really cute. Can I get your Instagram? You’ll probably get the Instagram, but she’s not going to go out with you because you haven’t made any sort of connection with her. You haven’t shown any personality. You haven’t done anything, right? So we get so focused on the results. When rejection is happening and we’re not getting results, we get too focused on the results, and then our game goes down the toilet. So being in the IC community protects you against that. Because it’s very obvious when guys are just, like, hunting for instagrams or they’re doing the wrong thing, or their inner game is screwed up and they’re out there approaching. Women or we see their messages on Tinder or Bumble or seeking wherever they’re messaging women online with bad inner game or bad texting or just bad game. And we’re like, all right, what are you doing, man? What’s going on? What’s happening in your mind? Oh, well, these girls flakes, so I’m just trying to avoid flakes. And it’s like, well, that’s a shitty mindset. That’s not going to work, right? If you’re trying to avoid flakes, you’re going to start texting girls like an annoying sort of admin CEO. You’re like, listen, I’m really busy. If you schedule with me and you flake, I’m not going to see you again. You’ll see guys getting frustrated and sending, like, god awful, let me throw up in my mouth for a second messages like that because they’re coming from a place of frustration and not coming from a place of the actual their goals all fucked up because they’re trying to jam some result is what I’m trying to say. Exactly. So I had one of the guys in the group, that same guy, George, we had a coaching call at the beginning. I’d say, let’s see what’s today Tuesday was like. Last Wednesday, like, a week ago. And his mistake was he was just trying to collect instagrams. I was using him as an example before. And when I’m like, listen, the goal for you as approaching the instagram is just a result of you having a good interaction, right? I want you focused on, how can I have a good time? Which is very difficult, right? But how can I step into tension? That’s better. And when you go into the interaction thinking, how can I step into tension? How can I grow as a man? Well, every interaction gives you that opportunity, right? If you’re going into it thinking like, all right, I’m going to step into some tension here. I’m going to put my balls in the line. I’m going to risk rejection, and I’m going to grow. Every approach is a win because you’re walking away with a little bit bigger pair, because you did that really hard thing that most guys are scared to do. And if now you’re looking at, all right, well, how can I step into this tension more? Well, now you don’t care if she gives you a shit test. Now you don’t care if she’s a bitch, because that’s just more tension. That’s great, right? And then when you post in the group and you’re like, hey, I just approached five women. I failed with all of them, but I stepped into a lot of tension today. And then everyone applauds you and be like, good work, man. You the man. Keep it up. Well, now you’re getting positive reinforcement for a really hard thing that most guys are too scared to do. And you need that positive reinforcement to keep going. And that’s what we saw with George this last week, and he had his best week in the field. I think he did 40 something approaches and ended up with a bunch of dates, right? And guys are like, 40 approaches. That’s really hard. It’s like, guys are spending way more time. It probably took George an hour per day. Maybe he was out there for 2 hours a couple of times, just walking around the mall. But guys are spending way more time than that swiping on Tinder and then going on dates, if they’re lucky, with ugly girls who are fat and look nothing like their photos from two years before. So it’s amazing what guys will say, oh, I don’t have time. It’s like, well, you got time to sit on Tinder when you’re taking a dump. Swiping. You’re not doing shit for your dating life. Doing that. You’re not growing from that. So it’s hard. It’s not easy, but very few guys are willing to do it, and that’s why it works, right? If every guy is doing this thing and you try to do that thing, I promise it’s not going to work. Tinder doesn’t fucking work for anybody. Even guys who are really good looking and really have all their shit together, they’re still going to get uglier girls than they would in real life or they’d get from their social circle. Always, right? Maybe there’s an outlier if you get lucky. Right place, right time. There’s some hot girl who’s on the rebound. She’s looking to get laid that night, she swipes on your photo. But come on, it’s like I’m not talking about those one in a million shots. Well, that’s because on any online dating site, the ratio of men to women, it’s like eight to one. It’s ridiculous. These online dating sites are built to make money, right? And who do they make money from? Well, it’s not from the women. It’s from the guys. By parading a bunch of hot girls, a lot of those profiles are probably fake, right? It creates a slot machine effect, which is addictive. That’s why when you go on Tinder, it’s really hard to get off Tinder. You’re just going to keep swiping because, hey, the next one might be the jackpot. It’s the same reason you go to Vegas. You put the quarters in the slot machine, right? It’s like, the next one might be the one. I better keep swiping. I better keep swiping. And then before you know, you’ve been swiping for like, 45 minutes and you got nothing. Right? I guarantee a lot of those profiles are fake, or they’re girls who are just on there seeking validation. They’re never going to go on a date. They’re never going to answer a message. And you are being addicted to this process, and you’re starting to pay for it. Right? So they’re making money. These sites aren’t going to last. I don’t think they’re going to last much longer. That’s my prediction. I think Tinder Bumble hinge, all this bullshit is going to be out of business in the next few years. And I think what will replace it are sites that will actually create what women are looking for, because women are the ones that are doing the choosing and dating market, right? And that’s usually true throughout the animal kingdom. Almost every species of our plant, especially mammals, like, if you look at peacocks, for example, right? The man shows his beautiful plume, right? And the reason why that, like, what what he’s showing a male peacock with that beautiful plume is that he’s healthy and that he’s a good reproductive mate, right? The chances of her of the pee hens kids surviving are really good because this peacock has amazing genes. That’s what it shows, right? And the funny thing about that, you can read about this, and I think it’s called The Evolution of Desire by David Bus, that having that crazy beautiful peacock plume is actually dangerous, right? Like, you open yourself up to predators by saying, like, look at me. But in the animal kingdom, it’s worth having that to get laid by a pee hen, right? It’s like the risk of having the huge plume outweighs, the cost of potentially getting eaten so it’s the same thing. It’s like guys are doing our best to show our status, our wealth, our beauty. And then women are choosing which guys. Right? Now, obviously, you want to be the guy who’s choosing that. There’s an abundance of women interested in you, and women are not having that experience online. What are they getting online? Well, they’re getting paraded with a bunch of guys, but they don’t know which guys are real and which guys are fake because it’s so easy to bullshit. Right? And that’s why most women, they’ll flake on a date. If they meet a guy on Tinder or Hinge or Bumble, they’re always going to flake on that date or someone they met in real life, or they’ll even flake on it for someone who has an instagram that they vetted the instagram. Because women are looking for status. They’re primarily attracted to status, which includes power, right? And if your profile shows status, you have a much better chance of being selected. Now, the only online dating sites that are operating right now that put status first are sites that block access to certain men. So one of those is seeking.com seeking arrangements. There’s a paywall of seeking. It’s like $100 a month at least, which means most guys can’t afford it. Therefore, any guy in that site has some status because he has some money, right? So the ratio of women to men on seeking, rather than being like eight to one men to women, I think it’s maybe opposite. I think it’s like eight to one women to men. So when you go on seeking as a man and you can afford the $100 a month, well, now you’re actually getting the one being the one messaged, and you’re having women kind of, like, open you and chase you. It’s a completely opposite experience. There’s another site called The League which requires you to be vetted. I’m sure there’s a few others, but this is where online dating will go because women are the ones choosing, and they have information that’s necessary to make that choice on Tinder or Bumble or whatever. They’re only choosing guys, basically, that they’re attracted to, that they want to potentially fuck. But for a woman to just do that and go out and bang some guy off Tinder, that’s not going to happen as often as she’ll just kind of go on a date with a guy that she’s more interested in. Right? You need a very sexually liberated chick who’s just, like, trying to get laid for that to happen. So that’s why they call them fuck apps. Tinder is basically a fuck app because that’s what’s happening there. You’ve got some girls who are trying to get laid who aren’t very cute, hooking up with guys who are probably significantly better looking than those girls because the marketplace is skewed. And those guys, the other guys who are jerking off are envious of those guys who at least are getting something, but it’s an ugly mark dating marketplace out there. It’s very lopsided and mismatched, which is why I think these other sites will prevail over traditional online dating. So sorry if I went on a little bit of a tangent there. Not sure if you’ve been going with that, but that’s what I think will happen in the not so distant future, because women are not being served on the current dating sites. Right. And they’re only in business because men are still dumb enough to pay on them, even though the ratios are terrible. Because as a guy, you’re going to look for the easiest and painless way. Right. We’re all inherently lazy. We don’t want to spend our time and energy on things that we don’t know. And everyone knows Tinder, right? They made it to the front of the dating market, and it’s like, okay, yeah, well, if I want to go on a date, what’s the first thing I do? Well, what’s the easiest thing? I make a profile on Tinder and I start swiping. I can do that while I’m sitting on the toilet. Right. Versus, if you actually want success, you got to do the hard thing, which is, well, I got to learn how to put an outfit together. I got to take a shower, I got to go outside, and I got to go talk to that girl walking down the sidewalk. But guess what? No one else is doing that. So your odds of that working are tremendously higher. It’s free, it’s good for you, it doesn’t take a whole lot of time, and you’re a better man for it. Right. So you’re serious about this stuff? That strategy will work. I guess. There’s one more question from G Hopper, if he’s still here. He said, thanks, Robbie. Do you have many guys in IC from Australia and many older clients, 45 to 50 bracket? Yeah, we actually have if not 30% to 40% in the group. There’s, like, many guys we have in that group. We’ve got about 60 total. My guess is there’s 2020 to 25 of the guys that are in that age grab between 40 and 65. And those guys are not in the clubbing. Obviously, none of the guys in the group are in the clubbing. Clubbing is a really low return on investment way to meet women. So I’m not ever promoting Clubbing unless you have an amazing crew of dudes that are extremely versed in how to optimize the club going experience. So hopefully that answers the question. But, yeah, if you have other questions, man, feel free to go to this page, start Innerconfidence.com, and you can watch that video, which will give you some more info on the IC community. And feel free to schedule a call with me and I can go over any sort of personal questions and see if it’s a good fit. Thanks for tuning in to my subscribers here. So hope you guys enjoyed and got some value out of this. See you guys later.
Ayesh [00:48:25]:
I hope you enjoyed this week’s episode. If you’re new to the show and digging our content, please leave us a five star review on itunes, Stitcher, YouTube, wherever you listen or watch. But if you’re not really digging it, go ahead. Just don’t leave us any review at all.
Robbie Kramer [00:48:37]:
That’d be great.
Ayesh [00:48:38]:
If you’re feeling a little bit stuck or you just want to optimize and step up your game, we’ve opened up a few spots in our inner confidence community. We’re accepting applications. If you want to join our select group of men and experience the radical power of accountability, cross everything off your sexual bucket list and just become a beast who gets more stuff done. To learn more and apply, go to start Innerconfidence.com.
