Lesson 6: Body Language

Problem: New clients can spend months with shitty body language reporting back they aren’t doing well, meanwhile we have no evidence their body language was terrible.

Watch the video above and pay attention to his body language.

Without seeing that video where he is hitting on a girl in a mall from 9 feet away, we would never know Ara’s body language was an F-. Nor would Ara. It’s interesting that he debated in the face of a video recording with that his body language was fine. Pfft.

My fiends and I have long debated which attributes matter the most in sports: strength, speed, coordination, balance, or endurance. I maintain that if you threw 200 random sports in a hat and would pick five random sports from that hat, you would be better off being a C- in four athletic trait categories and an A+ in coordination than any other combination if coordination was a C-.

Example: an A+ coordination and C- all other categories would crush an A+ power and C- others in basketball, skateboarding, golf, skeet shooting, baseball, volleyball, and soccer.

I use the above sports example to set up body language.

This is a non-exhaustive list of traits that matter:

• Presence of generally considered weird or creepy behavior (an example would be close talker).

• Situationally appropriate behavior. It might be okay to be a close talker at a packed bar, but not during intermission in the lobby at the ballet with a stranger.

• Poor posture

• Bizzare hand placement

Now connecting my sports example to the above list, I believe some traits are non-starters/ automatic disqualifiers, meaning you automatically flunk. For example, in Ara’s video he approached a girl at the mall and engaged in a conversation from nine feet out.

1. This creates two obstacles for people walking by cause they are so far away which is rude, not aware, and weird.

2. Malls generally have a lot of background noise and echo so it will make it hard for you two to hear each other. This would qualify as a presence of generally considered weird or creepy behavior.

Guys, we can’t see you. If we have no videos or time spent with you, we can’t know the weird shit you do. If you don’t give us updates on what you do when you go out, we can’t assess what you’re doing wrong. We can’t know Ara hits on people from the three point line.

Post updates and videos. Spend time with us. We need as much information about you as possible to be able to correct your body language.

How To Fix Your Body Language

Body language is one of the most important ways you communicate. Women and successful men perceive what your body language shows about you in less than a second. Since it's processed on the subconscious level, your body language will make or break the interaction before you ever open your mouth.

Unfortunately, guys who didn’t grow up with a masculine, athletic, macho, infrastructure in their lives never absorbed the confident body language that turns women on, so they're at a disadvantage on the dating market. Being aware of your own unconfident body language is a crucial step, but it’s only the first step.

Fixing your body language is a challenge that you have to approach from multiple angles.

Focused Versus Holistic

There are two ways to go about improving your body language: focused and holistic. Everyone should be doing both. Focused improvement is when you take a microscope to your specific behaviors and work on improving each one. This could be evaluating the way you place your feet when you walk, how you position your shoulders, correcting your forward head tilt, etc.

Equally important is holistic improvement. The best examples I can come up with are learning martial arts, seeing a chiropractor, and mobility work like foam rolling. Yesterday I had a Muay Thai workout with a trainer then saw a massage therapist and a chiropractor. Both of these improved my posture and body language to the point where others noticed and commented on it. These methods are also helpful because they don't require you to be as self-conscious about every little moment you make, which can be crippling if you're out at a bar and overly focused on your posture instead of the people you're interacting with.

Because the patterns we've experienced all our lives shape how we stand and move, it’s an area of your dating life that can benefit the most from live coaching. Someone who has experienced thousands of reps talking to women is better qualified to critique what you are doing wrong and tell you how to fix it. In the meantime, here are some exercises so you can get started on your own:

Observe The Body Language of Confident Men

This is a simple activity that can net you huge results. Go to a public place like a mall or a street with heavy foot traffic. For the first 10 minutes, give every guy a mental rating of his confidence on a scale of 1-10. Don’t overthink it; just go with your gut instinct.

For the next 10 minutes, pay attention to the confident guys and observe specific behaviors they’re exhibiting. How are their shoulders? How is their gate? Bringing a notebook or phone and writing down notes will help but isn’t necessary. By observing what confident guys do and how they behave, you’ll start to embody these traits yourself.

Shoulder Dislocations

The most common body language problem that I’ve seen with guys is slumping the shoulders. This is especially problematic for guys who sit at a desk all day, and it occurs as a result of muscle imbalances. Fortunately, there’s an easy fix most people don’t know about. Get a PVC pipe and do this exercise daily for 2 minutes:

Slow Down

Most guys who struggle with women move too quickly. They have jerky, fidgety movements that women subconsciously perceive as anxiety. It doesn’t even matter if you are feeling anxious or not: if you are moving too quickly or fidgeting, you will come across as unconfident. There are no exceptions to this rule. This is a very simple fix and just requires practice and conscious awareness of how fast you’re moving. One trick I’ve heard before is to imagine that you are underwater, and move at that speed and fluidity.

Chew Gum

This may sound like a gimmick, but there have been actual scientific studies demonstrating that people chewing gum are perceived as more confident and laid back. Chewing gum helps you cut back on fidgeting: if you are chewing gum, other body movements are less likely to occur.

Kettlebell Swings

Any weightlifting routine will help your body language, but if I had to pick just one exercise that provides the most benefit, it’s the kettlebell swing. It has the added benefit of strengthening your core and toning your glutes (the biggest things women care about), not to mention they’re just fun to do. See this video below for proper form:

Fake It Till You Become It

There’s no quick fix for body language. Anyone who does an hour of kickboxing every day, an hour of yoga, and weekly chiropractor visits would STILL take months to develop perfect body language. But it’s a simple process that you can drastically improve with as little as 10 minutes a day if you spend them on the right exercises.